[Atsushi falls silent at that. It's hard to keep up a conversation, with this topic. He knows a lot of people did. It was part of the game, and... Atsushi had enjoyed it, honestly. Maybe a bit too much for it to be casual.
He's surprised by the hair ruffle, and it's enough to get him to lift his head, bicolored eyes carrying a question. Why?
But Vanitas' last words... they pose a question to Atsushi, as well. One he still hesitated to answer.
Did he like Dazai? He thinks he knows what might be the answer, but admitting it...
There's a long moment where his pen just hovers over the paper, before.]
[ his rep is going to go in the toilet after this and he hates it. he doesn't want people to see the jagged bits that Aqua had worked on sanding down here and there. He didn't want people to see the weaknesses he had or that maybe he doesn't hate everyone after all. This world has been good, even if he was still a tool to be thrown away.
And here he was trying to pat someone interested in taking someone he wants.
Dropping his hand away as he reads the words again.
It's a difficult question. He wants to say yes. He wants to say it's the first time he's wanted to take this kind of risk or felt this way. He wants to be selfish so badly...
but can he even make that call? ]
I don't know I want to say yes but I don't own him.
[Atsushi feels guilt twist his stomach as that hand falls away. It feels like a rejection, like he's disappointed someone he actually appreciates, even if he's snide to Vanitas at times.
But it makes sense, doesn't it? Vanitas cares about Dazai. He didn't want to take him away from Vanitas, but.... what he wanted was....
What he wanted was to hold Dazai like he so clearly needed when there was nothing else he could do to help. What he wanted was to keep him company.
It's a long moment before he eventually scratches out a reply.]
I care about him.
And he told me the best way to help him is to keep him company. I can't stop seeing him.
If he wants me to stop, I'll stop.
But I like you, too. I don't want to hurt you.
[He's clearly nervous about what he's writing, but... he cared. And Dazai wanted him around, in whatever manner they haven't discussed yet. He didn't know how to vocalize what it meant to him, to be wanted.]
I can't just turn off how I feel about him either, you know. Or anything we might have between us.
But I'll talk to him about it, and ask what he wants.
[It's not the answer Vanitas wants, probably. It's not the answers Atsushi's entirely comfortable giving either, but... There's more sides to this than just him and Vanitas.]
I don't want to hurt you. But I need to talk to Dazai.
[ he'll flinch at the anything we might have between. because that's not what he got from Dazai ]
Too late.
[ because that does hurt. a different kind than the usual. and with that, he's up on his feet immediately and heading off. he has to move quickly before the unversed appears. ]
[Atsushi flinches, looking hurt and guilty. It wasn't the answer Vanitas wanted, that much was clear. but Dazai hadn't told him about any of this, and...
...
He watches Vanitas leave, dropping his head onto his knees once he's gone.]
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darkremnants) wrote2019-06-23 04:51 pm
no subject
It's a very distinctive scent.
[More like 'he likes the way Dazai smells'. Sorry Vanitas, he's a furry, just accept it.
But at the word 'Date', Atsushi can't hide any of his reaction. He looks surprised, a little torn and--
He ducks his head quickly to hide his expression.
Should he tell him? Would it upset Vanitas? But--]
We spent some time together yesterday evening, too.
no subject
[ So that's something, right?
He'll look over at Kitten. He has a crush on Dazai. He knows that from Inaba saying it and teasing about it.
Vanitas isn't sure how to feel about that yet. All he knows is what Dazai has said. ]
I'm sure a lot of people did. It was part of that game.
[ He lifts his hand up for a moment... hesitates before giving Atsushi a hair ruffle.
Then he'll write again. ]
I'm pursuing him seriously.
no subject
He's surprised by the hair ruffle, and it's enough to get him to lift his head, bicolored eyes carrying a question. Why?
But Vanitas' last words... they pose a question to Atsushi, as well. One he still hesitated to answer.
Did he like Dazai? He thinks he knows what might be the answer, but admitting it...
There's a long moment where his pen just hovers over the paper, before.]
...Should I stop?
no subject
And here he was trying to pat someone interested in taking someone he wants.
Dropping his hand away as he reads the words again.
It's a difficult question. He wants to say yes. He wants to say it's the first time he's wanted to take this kind of risk or felt this way. He wants to be selfish so badly...
but can he even make that call? ]
I don't know
I want to say yes but I don't own him.
no subject
But it makes sense, doesn't it? Vanitas cares about Dazai. He didn't want to take him away from Vanitas, but.... what he wanted was....
What he wanted was to hold Dazai like he so clearly needed when there was nothing else he could do to help. What he wanted was to keep him company.
It's a long moment before he eventually scratches out a reply.]
I care about him.
And he told me the best way to help him is to keep him company. I can't stop seeing him.
If he wants me to stop, I'll stop.
But I like you, too. I don't want to hurt you.
[He's clearly nervous about what he's writing, but... he cared. And Dazai wanted him around, in whatever manner they haven't discussed yet. He didn't know how to vocalize what it meant to him, to be wanted.]
no subject
On the other hand this is all new and he has no idea what to feel. ]
See him. He needs friends.
[ He won't tell him not to see him, but... ]
I'm dating him.
no subject
But I'll talk to him about it, and ask what he wants.
[It's not the answer Vanitas wants, probably. It's not the answers Atsushi's entirely comfortable giving either, but... There's more sides to this than just him and Vanitas.]
I don't want to hurt you. But I need to talk to Dazai.
no subject
Too late.
[ because that does hurt. a different kind than the usual. and with that, he's up on his feet immediately and heading off. he has to move quickly before the unversed appears. ]
no subject
...
He watches Vanitas leave, dropping his head onto his knees once he's gone.]